on vacation
it's a fleeting experience. a few days ago marked the first day i was back at work from a week off on vacay with some amigos. the friends i was with are some of the closest ones i have from college. hours filled with reminiscing how our life was. hours filled with playing cards like we use to. hours filled with how our extended friendship started. it all started with a random bet i had with a friend who thought she would rarely see me as we didn't really have that many classes in common that semester and lived on opposites sides of campus. when i said i would bet her some snacks that i would make her dinner one night, our other friends self invited themselves to this salmon and pasta meal. and the rest is history.
i posted a photo on my story today - my city in the background blurred out, a photo of my recent trip from my camera, captioned where i want to be. i didn't really put much thought behind it. our vacation did get cut short to some external factors. and despite the tropical humidity and mosquitos i mostly definitely miss the beach. but the more i thought about it the more i was confused on where i actually wanted to be.
on the one hand i would like to have the extra day back. even if the missing day wasn't exactly planned out, i would have greatly enjoyed the company. the joyful happiness of the previous 5 days is fleeting. i don't think there's ever a time where the 6 of us will ever be together in one place doing something spontaneous. pessimistic but realistic in my opinion. even this trip revolved around the logistical challenges of getting people from 4 different corners of the country into one place over multiple days. we all have jobs with new friends in new cities.
on the other hand i came back to a wonderful city, a job i enjoy, the comforts of home, and new friends i've forged bonds with. as my leave was cut short, my plan was to take the extra day i had to myself. read, write, cook, clean, workout, game, sleep. as i wake up, i do the customary phone check. within 15 minutes i suddenly have invites to grab coffee around the corner and to meetup in at park. i now had a whole day of events. life doesn't stop. might as well continue forward, following the curves and bends. that afternoon objectively wasn't very remarkable, yet even just being around my city friends was something comforting. it's familiar. nyc use to feel like vacation or an internship. now i truly feel i live here.
when i was in jersey, i use to take night walks along the hudson just staring at the lights. there are no stars in the night. no wishes to be made. but are there any wishes that i really need? objectively someone looking on the outside would say that i shouldn't be depressed. i have everything that i could ever need in my life. objectively, i think i've lived a good life. if i was manwha regressed i'd probably have very similar choices. to be frank, i want to be in so many places at the same time. it seems like it isn't my decision - my friends have moved on from our shared college life. i hope i have too.