on 24
im 24 ... thought i would have it figured out ... wondering when i will be okay
got no friends just alot of stress
can someone tell me what the hell i missed?
feels like the days are all the same
friday night i'm tired as fuck
yesterday i had a work/team reunion of sorts. i've been apart of this team for nearly 3 years seeing colleagues come and go. i'm currently the longest member of the team along with my work wife/husband who keeps me sane. it was satisfying finally being able to put bodies to faces i had only seen on zoom for more than a year. having fell out of touch for a while the usual: where do you live? what do you do for work? questions poured out. everyone seemed happy.
with most having moved to different companies, the what are your hours like? hows your new manager? questions naturally followed. and it was there that everyone found out how unhappy we all really were.
one is drowning, working 8-7 with no vacation, gaining significant weight from which i can only assume is due to stress eating. he stopped playing tennis, poker, magic the gathering - activities we use to do as coworkers during work hours (lol). to finish his work on time, some doctor's notes magically appear. there hasn't been a day without adderall in the last 6 months. after a year and a half, he finally has the time to go to Japan only for her to say a 6 days max because of the next project. at least he got promoted recently and can afford his apartment.
one left because he was originally promised a pay adjustment when he eventually would relocate to east coast. covid of course delayed this, but he still ended up here, in which time there was a VP change. the new VP, who is responsible for our salaries, did not honor this pay adjustment. he left in a week. his new job? welp his new manager is bipolar, can barely afford his apartment, and picked up smoking again. at least he's got a nice girlfriend and is enjoying a new city.
one left because the work she did wasn't what she wanted in her career. her new job is a large shift and she seemed much happier doing work she liked. shortly after we met, she had a freak accident causing her be bedridden for a whole year. one and a half years later, and the other hip requires surgery. she's never been to office. at least she has a super nice apartment and hasn't been laid off like the rest of her team.
and the last one? stuck with me.
it was unspoken. how we all missed the days when us 5 worked together on the same team. how much we missed working with colleagues our own age. it was the best of times. we romantized our first real job recalling all the funny moments that happened. but what i truly missed was being able to learn and grow with them.
on the way back home, one of them said something that struck me. he told me that it doesn't matter what i do at work right now, and to just complete the bare minimum. to not work for the company but work for myself. to learn and be curious in the time that i have. to go travel the world and have fun.
i forget sometimes that im still 24. day to day work is just collecting my paycheck. it's always been filled with frustration no matter how much time and effort i put in. for the last few years i've been telling my friends how much i wanted to leave, but i never do. its a cushy job that definitely pays way more for the amount of work i actually do. i still can't help but wonder what would happen to me if those three never made the jump that i'm too scared to make. what would it be like if i did jump? i wish i was more committed to myself.
be good,
simple