on food
many close to me recognize my obsessive nature with food. of course we all need it to survive, but mine is rather peculiar - we have an interesting relationship. food to me is not just a means to an end. it trickles into my everyday choices, my daily emotions, my fondest memories. it's a major reason why i love to explore cities, travel abroad. i could go on for a long time talking about food. here are some of my thoughts with many more to come.
as an asian american, i was fortunate enough to grow up around alot of other asian americans. i never really had those "ashamed of my own culture" moments that others may have had. of course i would have loved lunchables in my summer camp lunch. but honestly i could really care less about what others think about my lunch. by high school i had decided i'd rather eat some microwaved leftovers or lukewarm food from a thermos than $2.70 school lunch (thanks michelle obama for getting rid of a la carte).
don't get me wrong, i did enjoy my fair share of american fast food growing up. one of my core memories is sharing a $1.07 bacon cheeseburger in the parking lot with my dad after swim practice. away from mom, this was where we would bond the most. i can't tell you how much burger king we shared. i can tell you about the stories we would talk about. sometimes he would share what it was like growing up. what trouble he was up to at my age. sometimes i would share how school was going. what i wanted to do when i grew up.
for my family, dinner is practically mandatory. if at home, everyone has to eat at the table at the same time - together. the delicate process always starts the same. mom yells out to eat. only for me to yell back, to wait a bit. i know i don't have much time though. i need to set the dinner table. make sure everyone has broth, rice, chopsticks.
the greatest family celebrations ensues. some days we would sit around and talk about our respective friends, school, work, and the accomplishments we’ve made. some days we would have the TV on talking about politics, finance, news. i can't say i was ever truly happy then. but if i look back on those times, i can only smile.
the worst family arguments ensues. the asian american family dynamic is complicated and has a myriad of cultural differences. the western and eastern mindsets in essentially everything clashes. every asian american navigates this fine line in each of our own respective way. in finding my own balance, there were many harsh words and spilled tears.
it's a bit of a running joke in the AAPI community that asian parents don't really say the words "i love you". rather they serve a plate of cut fruit. i can confirm this is true. despite all of our arguments over dinner, and regardless of situation, my parents end a meal with fruit; my mom constantly urging me to eat more. some how this peeled orange is a language in itself never to be written down in words but rather acted upon. not just limited to forgiveness, it supersedes all words, expressions of affection, and encouragement.
nowadays i try to return the favor as best as i can. when i go to see my parents at their house, i'm the one calling out to eat and my mom is the one to respond that she'll be there in a minute. most of my immediate friends know, if they've tried my food it means i truly care about them (and are probably on the close friends on insta haha). it's my way of saying you a real one. i inevitably get asked how long it took me to prepare today’s spread, to which i always diminish the estimate. in the moment, despite the chaotic spread pans, mise en place, i’m rather calm, filled with happiness, always thinking about if my guests will enjoy this specific flavor/texture combination.
often times, i find food to be more than just the taste, rather it is the symbolic nature and memories with people that mean the most to me that truly stands out.
be good,
simple